blowing clouds

Chapter 23

Even in his sleep, Chen Xiyang could feel his dread of dawn.

He still maintained the last sleeping position of last night. After opening his eyes, he had a splitting headache and his body was numb, but the good news was that there was no one around him. It seemed that Lin Ji had already left.

Feeling the bright sunshine outside the window, Chen Xiyang knew that it would not be early, maybe his parents had already gone to the store to make peace, which meant that there were only the two of them left at home.After realizing this, Chen Xiyang, who originally wanted to lie on the bed until the new century, had no reason to get up. He changed his posture and stared blankly at the ceiling, scratched his lips, eager to smoke a cigarette, but at the next moment , this strong emotion is replaced by another mood.

peak

What medicine did I take wrongly?

In the past, Chen Xiyang seldom examined his own heart, or he always took the ostrich behavior of avoiding seeing. If he insisted on saying that last night's weirdness brought him any good, it would be that he seemed a little braver, which made him Dare to look at myself.

From the beginning of that enduring nightmare visit, Chen Xiyang knew that some changes had taken place in himself, and also knew that the strange panic would intensify with the passage of time, but he never expected that under such stimulation, he would go crazy. up.

Liking the same sex, Chen Xiyang doesn't know what's so good about it, but he has no feeling for the opposite sex, no desire for them, and even no room for them in his heart, he seems always indifferent and silent, but because of a look in the same sex's eyes or A movement palpitates, and the similar body is also full of temptation for him.He admits it's sick, it's unhealthy, it's deviant, but so what if you think about it?He is an independent thinker.

But when this longing for his nominal brother, Chen Xiyang's strong psychological defense finally collapsed, cold, hard, strong, these words have nothing to do with him, he felt fear, pain, and even despair.

I kissed A Ji... Thinking of this, Chen Xiyang wished he could strangle himself to death, giving the absurd emotion to someone who shouldn't accept him, he deserved no matter how painful or frightened he was, but why did the other party suffer from this?

Although he didn't kiss the part of the other person's body that was given meaning by love, he couldn't explain his tears.

Chen Xiyang lay motionless on the bed, looking forward to an earthquake that would end his life and pain at this moment, but unfortunately they are here in the alluvial fan plain area in front of the mountain, and earthquakes are much rarer than his unlucky life.

Yes, unlucky, looking back on his not-so-long past, Chen Xiyang can only use this seemingly innocent vocabulary as a summary, family changes, terrible experiences, unexamined youth, closed heart, these combinations will never end. make a person happy.

But he was safe and sound until he was 20 years old. He has the ability to maintain himself as a normal person, so he can no longer let himself go crazy, especially this nondescript relationship involves his family.

The long thinking finally gave Chen Xiyang a little strength. With a thirsty throat, he listened to the movement in the living room, and he got up and weakly opened the door.

In the end, he saw Lin Ji sitting on a chair in the living room, lost in thought, and the results of his long-time worry seemed to vanish into nothingness in an instant.

Chen Xiyang and his first reaction was to go back to the house and close the door, but reason told him that this was not the best way, and his second reaction was to open his mouth to speak as if nothing had happened, but he couldn't do it, so they just looked at each other wordlessly, the same as last night The same panic once again filled Chen Xiyang's heart.

In the end, Lin Ji said hoarsely, "Brother, I boiled eggs, shall we eat?"

Chen Xiyang nodded without hearing what the other party said. He came back to his senses after Lin Ji walked into the kitchen. After sitting down, he didn't even know where to put his hands.

After Lin Ji left and returned, Chen Xiyang lowered his head and dared not look at him. Lin Ji placed a small bowl in front of him. Inside were two hard-boiled eggs full of cracks. The color was very dark and they were obviously tasty. Both like salty boiled eggs.But at this moment, Chen Xiyang* didn't notice this at all, he just peeled and swallowed the egg mechanically, the chewed egg yolk made him feel like he had eaten a mouthful of lime.

He came out to drink water, but after hastily swallowing two eggs, he fled in a hurry, returned to the house and closed the door, and he felt a sense of security like a child who is afraid of ghosts when he gets under the covers.

There was still no movement outside. This silence made Chen Xiyang flustered. He paced up and down in the bedroom, randomly found a martial arts novel and read it irritably, but it was obvious that he threw it aside after turning a few pages. I closed my tired eyes on the bed.

The living room was silent, and it was dull outside the window, only the sun was singing a monologue silently, Chen Xiyang thought that fortunately the noisy cicadas would not be able to visit for a while, otherwise it would definitely kill him.

Hong Kong returned in summer, and his father also returned in summer, but Chen Xiyang always felt that he would lose a lot in summer.

The egg residue seemed to be strangling his neck. Every time Chen Xiyang took a breath, he felt like a broken bellows. He needed water urgently, so regardless of the possibility that Lin Ji was still sitting outside, he got out of bed and turned the doorknob.

But fate did not disappoint him, Lin Ji was indeed still sitting in the position just now in a daze, and the dining table beside him was still scattered with egg shells, which was a mess.

Chen Xiyang looked at Lin Ji abruptly, the pupils of the other party were as dark as the eye circles, it was hard to describe the emotion in it, Chen Xiyang walked forward without saying a word, unscrewed a bottle of water on the table and poured it down.

The coolness and moisture relieved Chen Xiyang's discomfort a lot, but it also made his heart feel heavier. When he was thinking about whether to say a few words of nonsense to test Lin Ji's mood, Lin Ji watched him get up. Chen Xiyang In an instant, he turned into a timid rabbit, turned around and left, but there were faster footsteps behind him.

Lin Ji hugged him from behind.

Chen Xiyang's brain was blank, and a feeling like an electric shock went straight to his brain along his spine. He didn't struggle, but he didn't feel the slightest joy either. After waking up from the surprise, he was completely plunged into fear.

He was finished, and Lin Ji was also finished.

Lin Ji's embrace continued to shrink, strangling Chen Xiyang out of breath. After the water bottle in his hand fell on the floor tiles, Lin Ji relaxed a little bit belatedly, and a trembling voice rang in Chen Xiyang's ear: "It's okay, brother!" ,It's fine……"

Chen Xiyang couldn't understand this sentence anymore, what does it mean to be okay?Brotherly incest, is there anything bigger in the world than this?

He slowly raised his hand to cover Lin Ji's palm, the movement was gentle, but the emotions surging in his heart were incompatible with the movements he showed. He didn't know what to do, and he didn't even know what mood he should be in. Should he be delighted by Lin Ji's response?Or should I blame myself?Or hug your younger brother and destroy the world together?The only thing Chen Xiyang can figure out is fear. In the face of fear, he wants to protect his own kind, and more importantly, protect himself. The instinct of any creature is like this.

After breaking free from the embrace, Chen Xiyang suddenly turned around, gritted his teeth and raised his hand high.

The anger in his eyes made Lin Ji's heart tremble, but apart from the anger, Lin Ji felt distressed.

Facing Lin Ji's unrelenting gaze, after hesitating, Chen Xiyang's slap finally landed on his face.

After the momentary deafness, there was a burning pain, as if something was about to break through the ground under the skin.Lin Ji's expression changed in an instant, and he stepped up and grabbed Chen Xiyang: "Brother!"

Chen Xiyang pushed him away fiercely, stared at him and gritted his teeth: "Lin Ji, I'm crazy, are you crazy too?"

Lin Ji tremblingly said: "Brother, I know you are in pain, if you want to hit me, don't hit yourself..."

"Don't say those nonsense words anymore, and forget about what happened last night," Chen Xiyang leaned against the wall, if he didn't do this, he was afraid that he would collapse on the ground, "Lin Ji, I'm a beast, but I still want to be your brother. "

"Brother, don't feel bad, in fact, I..." Looking at the pain that could not be concealed in Chen Xiyang's eyes, Lin Ji suddenly stopped, because he realized that no matter what he said, it was superfluous, and his brother had already made a decision.

Chen Xiyang supported the wall, and the nails were full of plaster on the wall: "If you still treat me as your brother, what should you do from now on, take classes well, find a job, get married, and honor your parents in the future? Forget what happened."

It's easy to say, but how could Lin Ji and him forget it?However, this is the most painful part. Chen Xiyang knew that he had stepped out of the bounds first, and it was unfair to Lin Ji to say these things at the moment, but in order not to hurt him further, and to be an upright person, he had to say so.

There seemed to be thick clouds floating in the sky, and the room suddenly became gloomy. Chen Xiyang saw the shadow on Lin Ji's face, and also saw him numbly and slowly nodding his head.

When he returned to his bedroom, Chen Xiyang was on the verge of collapse. He opened his mouth and panted like a fish out of water, and the movie that made him vomit suddenly appeared in his mind.

He didn't finish "Happy Together" at all, but from the tone and style of the beginning, he concluded that this movie would not have a happy ending, just like his life.