Peculiar Soul

Chapter 47: Waiting

Chapter 47: Waiting

The divine light shines through us all, but it does not pass through unchanged. The facets of our being shape it just as our flaws distort it. We are, each of us, prisms for divinity. Learn to see the light you spread by observing the way your life brings good to others. Learn to know the shape of your being by watching the patterns you cast.

You may be the hazy glass that obscures the divine, or the lens that amplifies and focuses its light. Others will know you by the image your heart shows them.

- The Book of Eight Verses, the Verse of Light. (New Kheman Edition, 542 PD)

Michael stared up at Leire, disbelieving. You cant be serious, he said.

On the contrary, she retorted. I seldom have the opportunity to be otherwise. Does it strike you as so unrealistic? After all, youve intuited the gist of my proposal before Ive had the chance to make it. It would seem that either it is more reasonable than youre prepared to admit, or our heads are both cracked in the same places.

She rose from her chair to walk to the side of the room; one of the attendants placed a covered plate into a small alcove in the barrier and slid a door closed. Leire opened a door on her side of the barrier and withdrew it, nodding her head to the attendant.

The rest of them, Michael included, were barely paying attention to the food despite their earlier hunger. So this is the price of Mendians assistance? Sobriquet asked.

Leire did not reply save to smile, setting her plate down and returning to her seat. She spent a few moments settling herself once more, then removed the cover from her lunch with an appreciative glance. Only then did she look back up at Sobriquet. Not a price, she said. A prerequisite. Or do you think it wise of Mendian to commit to major military action when the fate of her greatest military and scientific asset is uncertain? Resolving the disposition of my soul must come first; all else follows.

You dont know me, Michael protested. We first met today.

Leire nodded. True, she said. Let us get all of the objections out of the way promptly, shall we? I dont know you, youre an Ardan, the situation with your soul introduces complications, you have your own agenda on the continent to pursue. Im aware of these facts; I consider them to be irrelevant. She leaned forward. You are a known quantity. Your capability in acquiring souls has been demonstrated, and you appear to benefit from affinity much more reliably than others.

And what of my opinion in the matter? Michael asked. I dont want your soul, or any other. That was notably absent from your list.

An intentional omission, Leire chuckled. I consider it to be a mark in your favor. If you displayed any enthusiasm for the prospect, my assessment of you would degrade sharply. She smiled at him, then turned her attention to her food.

Michael looked at his own plate; it was some sort of baked fish. Reluctantly, he listened to the strident reminders from his stomach that he was half-starved. The process of eating was at least a reprieve from his conversation with Leire, a way to occupy his hands and mouth while he thought. On the third bite he was forced to acknowledge that the food was delicious, more so for the horrid rations he had been subsisting on under Amiras care.

It was gone all too soon. He was on his last few bites when he heard the noise of Sobriquets silver on her plate. He turned his sight to her and saw that she had finished; she sat upright in her seat and turned to Leire. I note that youve refrained from promising any material aid to Daressa, she said. You said the Star could not act on behalf of Mendian, earlier, and that your neutrality was paramount. I fail to see how saddling Michael with your soul would solve any of these problems. I expect that a new Star would have minimal ability to influence the course of Mendiko affairs, and that aid would be years in coming - if it came at all. My countrymen are dying today; as we sit here and eat the Ardans are shelling the outskirts of our capital into so much rubble. You present your proposal as a means to help Daressa, but thus far only Mendian seems to benefit.

Leire waggled her fork in Sobriquets general direction, a smile tugging at her lips. Valid points all, she said. Youre right to say that the power of my office is limited. The role that I enjoy in the Mendiko government is purely an executive one. She took one more bite, then pushed her plate away. That does not mean I am without influence or options, however. I have rather more power than I should as a result of my long tenure. I have thus far wielded it with restraint, in my own humble opinion; I think I may be forgiven a few moments of - excess, shall we say, in the twilight moments of my life.

Her eyes glinted, the light around her flaring bright. To make it plain - I believe we are long past the point where our neutrality has served us well. If Mendian is to be forced to fight for its future, I would see us strike the first blow. In the event that Michael agrees to serve as custodian of my soul, I will arrange for the documents youve brought me to be introduced in the next session of the Batzar. I will argue that the deaths at Leik were caused jointly by Safid and Ardan malice, and that the ongoing siege of Imes represents a developing humanitarian crisis.

This entire damn War has been such a crisis, Sobriquet retorted. Will saying it plainly have such an impact?

Leire smiled toothily. There are things that men know, and things that men say. As the Star I may address the Batzar on matters I find relevant to the welfare of Mendian; I have not done so in nearly fifteen years. She steepled her fingers, raising an eyebrow at Sobriquet. I daresay they will find it momentous enough to spur some action. There will be challenges, of course, but we shall have the benefit of foreknowledge and should be able to maneuver around them.

Youre proposing to change the course of your country to align with our aims? Michael said. Even for what youre asking, thats too much. What else arent you telling us?

So suspicious, Leire said, her eyes narrowing. This might actually work. She snorted out a laugh, then shook her head. Mendian is stagnant, despite appearances. Fixed, ossified, unable to adapt to circumstances. We need to abandon our stifling isolationism and engage with the broader world, or risk being crushed by it. I have been searching for an opportunity to force such a change for years now. That it comes along with an answer to the problem of my succession is doubly fortunate.

She got up and put her plate back in the alcove, then turned to face the table. I wont demand a decision of you today, of course. The next session of the Batzar is on Izar-eguna - Rimesday, as you say. Four days hence. If you require anything, Unai will make himself available. I will likewise be present, should you have questions for me - or an answer.

Leire stood for a moment, her eyes glinting over the table before finally settling on Michaels own. He forced himself not to squint or turn away. Her soul blazed around her, dancing over snow-white hair and wrinkled skin - then dimmed as she turned and walked back into her chambers, leaving them alone in the opulent room.

Before a minute had passed, Unai came in to shepherd them back downstairs. Michael followed him in a daze, his mind not processing the short trip in the elevator or the longer passages through endless hallways. He was back in their quarters before he realized it. It wasnt until he sat on one of the sofas and let his head thud back against the wall that his mind began to clear.

The others were looking at him, their minds a whirling blend of trepidation, excitement and dread. It was hard to separate one thread from the other amid the tumult. He let his breath out, slowly, then took it back in.

Well, he sighed. I wasnt expecting that.

Charles snorted out a laugh, which set the others to smiling. Even Lucs perpetually-worried face eased into something less-troubled.

Sobriquet shook her head. Fair to say that wasnt my guess either, she agreed. But here we are. She paused, her eyes straying from him before returning.

What do you think of her proposal? she asked.

Michael nearly winced at the tone of her voice. She knew his thoughts on gaining more souls better than any of them. That she asked him to consider his answer anyway spoke to the magnitude of what Leire was offering. He met her eyes and saw the apology there.

Its not a small one, he said, trying for levity. I suppose it would solve the question of my eventual employment. He smiled, then shook his head. I dont know that I could trust any answer I reached today. If you all have any thoughts, though, Id love to hear them.

He cast his gaze around at the others, but looked to Sobriquet most; she sighed and raised her hand in surrender. Obviously, the prospect of Mendian intervening on behalf of Daressa is everything we had hoped for, she said. More, since it sounds like Leire means to break precedent for us. If I were in your position, I would accept the offer.

Her mouth twisted. But freedom for Daressa is my goal, and my cause. You should talk with Leire, ask her plainly what the downsides to her offer are. From what Ive seen of her, shell answer you in full.

Charles leaned forward, giving Sobriquet an incredulous look. You make it sound like you dont want him to take it, he said. Do you think its a trap of some sort?

No, Sobriquet said. Not a hidden one, anyway. Accepting means that hell be bound to Mendian forever, serving their agenda. The rest of his life is in the balance.

And the lives of every Daressan, Charles shot back. He gets to decide whether the continent falls to Saf or stands free. How is that-

Sobriquet did not speak, but the crackle of her soul manifesting around her cut Charles off mid-sentence. She looked at him with hard eyes. We all know whats at stake, she said. We have a chance to save the country, but our actions in the next few days will determine the course of our future. I will not speak of lives owed or debts incurred save to say that we are hardly in a position to demand more of Michael. Instead, let me pose a question.

She leaned in closer to Charles. If we supply Michael with pressure, and not sound advice, and in so doing force him to a decision he later comes to regret - do you think that will serve Daressa? To have the Star of Mendian unhappy in his office, with the knowledge that we steered him on an incorrect path for our own gain?

Vernon, being the closest, bent down and retrieved a tray with six small ramekins upon it. Here, he said, walking around the table to hand them out. Though Im not sure what manner of food it is.

Michael lifted up the small, cold cup as Vernon gave it to him, smelling it. The sweet, caramel flavor of custard came to his nose; for a moment he was transported to another evening entirely, amid candlelit gardens and the cool evening breeze.

A weight seemed to settle on him, and the smile died from his face. Its goxua, he said quietly. Ive - had it before.

Emil took a bite and smiled appreciatively. As have I, he said. We could take a few lessons from the Mendiko, where food is concerned.

Traitor, Charles muttered. Daressa weeps to look upon you. He stuck his spoon in his own, then took a begrudging bite - and another, shortly afterward.

Michael left his own dessert half-finished and excused himself, returning to the balcony. He settled down into the chair he had used before and looked up at the purple sky overhead. A few stars had emerged already; the brightest glow came from the distant city on the shore. Goitxea, he assumed. It shone against the dark, lighting the haze around it with a deep amber glow.

Some time later the door slid open, then closed once more. Sobriquet walked out and took the chair beside him, wordlessly handing him his half-finished glass of wine. He contemplated it for a moment, then took a drink.

Do you want to talk about it? she asked.

Michael sighed, then shook his head. Its silly, he said. Its - Sofia made me goxua, once, when I was at her house for dinner.

The crazy bitch can cook? Sobriquet asked, raising an eyebrow. I suppose it makes sense that shed be good at it.

She can, Michael confirmed. Rather well. It was just the five of us that night - her, Isolde, Vera. He took another gulp of wine. Vincent. Just her closest friends. He set his glass down on a side table and looked out over the valley.

I didnt really have any friends growing up, he said. My father had something of a reputation, one hed earned well. I didnt really understand- He broke off, shaking his head once more. That night I learned what it meant that my father didnt love me, because I saw what I could have had in Sofia and her friends. Their warmth, their joy in each other. There was love there, and I - Ive destroyed that.

He looked up at Sobriquet, feeling the breeze rush over his damp cheeks. Theyll never trust Vera again, and Vincent is dead. And here I am - here we all are. I feel that warmth with all of you, and it feels like Ive stolen it away from the ones who had it first. The ones who risked their lives to help me. He managed a small, joyless laugh. Because thats who I am, I suppose. The man who steals whats left over after something dies.

Sobriquet didnt answer right away, taking a sip of her own wine. She set her glass down beside his. You made a choice, she said. To save Clair from them, and then to save me. They chose to toy with my sisters mind, to try to kidnap me, to try to kill all of us at Siad. What happened to them wasnt your fault.

Tell that to Sofia, he muttered. Im fairly certain shes going to hunt me until one of us dies. I cant even blame her for it. If I had lost what shes lost-

For someone so unassuming, you have a knack for being arrogant, Sobriquet sighed. Dont take Sibyls blame from her shoulders. She harvested what she sowed, as do we all. She looked Michael in the eye, her expression fixed and serious. Michael. If I know anything about you, I know that you tried your utmost to spare them from harm. I will not hear you say otherwise; I know you tried. You cant save a person from themselves.

Michael sighed. It doesnt lessen the sting of knowing that all of this, this joy we had tonight - that it came at the cost of sorrow for those that had helped me in the past.

Damn it, you ox, she said, exasperated. And what of the joy youve secured for others? Hope, for Daressa, that we might not perish under the boots of foreign invaders? Hope for Mendian, even? Would you tell us to desist in the war because it might inconvenience Saleh and Amira, who have also aided us?

No, Michael replied. I just - wish there was another path. One that didnt involve so much suffering.

Sobriquet let out a long breath, then leaned back in her chair. Do you know, she said, when I was younger, I used to hear people talk about the problems the country faced. How Saf was so strong, taking our territory. And I thought to myself - it will all be fine in the end. Someone will do something about it, before things get truly bad.

She raised an eyebrow. And so I waited. Just after my parents died I was too young to do anything else. After Clair joined the resistance, with me in tow, I had a hope - a childs hope, that she might be the one who fixed everything. Even years later, after I got my soul, as powerful as it was, I thought - surely, someone will come along and fix things now, and I can help them.

Michael said nothing, listening to her speak; she paused to drain the last of the wine from her glass.

Then one day Clair was caught out on a raid. There was gunfire, men were dying. I was there, as Sobriquet; I saw they were all going to die - and I realized that nobody was coming. She set her glass back down and looked at Michael, her eyes glinting with reflected starlight.

I had never hurt anyone before that day. I was the baby of the resistance cell, they doted on me. I only scouted, looked, snuck about like a rat. But that day, I laid my hands on every Ardan soldier I could reach. I showed them pain, torment, agony that drove them senseless. And when it was done my sister killed them.

She laid her hand across her chest. It was me. I had been waiting all those years, and in the end I was waiting for myself. My sister was waiting for me, the resistance was waiting. The whole country, free and occupied, waiting for me to wake up and fight. So I did.

Michael snorted. And you call me arrogant, he murmured, smiling.

It earned him a punch on the shoulder. You ass, Im one of the Eight, she shot back. My point is that I had the power to change things for a long time before I believed that I could. Or should, for that matter. I see it in you too. You dont think you have the right to decide for others, and though I find that rather endearing - theyre not making a decision. All those people out there, theyre just waiting. I think you should consider that they may be waiting for you.

You think I should accept Leires offer, Michael said. It came out with a hint of accusation that he did not intend, but Sobriquet only shrugged.

I think you should ask her what made her decide to fight, she said. Ask her if the benefit outweighs the loss. And - ask her if she felt ready to decide the fate of others, when she received her soul.

Michael nodded slowly. And what of Lucs argument? he asked. That by accepting her soul, I would complete Sparks work for him?

She laughed, then shook her head. Luc is afraid, she said. Not without reason. The power you already hold is tremendous. With Stellars soul, there would be nobody who could stand against you should you prove to be monstrous at heart. To Luc, who has known only monstrous men, the prospect is terrifying.

He should be scared, Michael said. Im scared. Earlier, when Charles cowed Luc, I - I think I came within moments of killing him, almost before I realized it. I dont believe Im a bad man, but Im nowhere near good enough to wield this kind of power. I cant be perfect in every moment, and each soul makes those imperfect moments deadlier.

He sighed, then looked over at Sobriquet. She was smiling at him beatifically, tracing her finger around the rim of her empty glass.

I know youre afraid too, Michael said. You try to bury it, but I can feel it lurking.

I told you not to judge me by my base impulses, she said. Feel what we may, its what we choose to act on that defines us. You did not allow your soul to harm Charles, and I do not allow myself to listen to that fear. Fear is an animal thing, mindlessly whispering that you could harm me. I act as the person who knows that you never would.

There was a flicker of something unreadable in her face, a complex twist of thought that came and went before Michael could properly glimpse it. Sobriquet leaned forward for a moment, her eyes on his - then she sat back, sighed and rose to her feet.

Talk to Leire, she said. Hear her out. And if you need to talk about it more, Ill be - waiting. She gave him an exasperated smile, then shook her head. Goodnight, Michael.

Goodnight, Sera, he said, watching as she lingered for a bare moment - then walked back inside, letting the door shut softly behind her. Michael slumped back into the chair, draining the last of his wine and letting his eyes drift up to the growing host of stars.