love too early

Chapter 55

When we arrived at the cemetery, it was just after the most intense afternoon sun. I was holding flowers, and Shen Nanyu was carrying gifts. The two of us walked on the wide, empty, pure white stone road, and neither of us spoke.

Grandpa's tombstone is cleaned every week and still looks brand new.The old man in the photo is kind-hearted, wearing a pair of thin gold-rimmed glasses, looking gently at everyone who stops.

"I grew up in an environment where everyone expects me to be an excellent, outstanding, and even perfect adult." Standing in front of the tombstone, I said softly, "Only my grandpa cares about whether I am happy, whether I am happy, whether I have done something. A good, good man."

After talking about something I thought of, I smiled, "Oh yes, and Fu Zhiheng."

Shen Nanyu stood beside me, looked at the tombstone in front of him, and said, "Grandpa must be a very important person to you, right?"

"If it wasn't for him, I might be cold enough," I said, "although I might be cold enough now."

"No, you are not." Shen Nanyu turned his head, looked at me seriously and said, "You are not at all."

"Really..." I looked at him, "It's actually okay. Maybe, it's not a bad thing."

A person who is too emotional will inevitably be kidnapped by various emotions, at least now I don't have to worry about this.

"Shilu..." Shen Nanyu hesitated to speak.

The person in front of him gradually overlapped with the small figure eight years ago. In the same place, the last time he stood here together, he was only 12 years old.

"You may not know me very well." I looked at Shen Nanyu and showed a faint smile, "Grandpa is a very nice and kind person, but I may not be."

"Did you know that some people don't necessarily do charity out of love and responsibility."

I seldom have the opportunity to say these words. Facing Shen Nanyu, it was the first time I talked about my real self with him.

"I have funded orphanages, organizations for the deaf, environmental organizations, special schools... But do I really care about them? It doesn't seem to be necessarily." I lowered my eyes and said softly, "These things are like eating and sleeping for me. It's normal, although it looks like a lot of money, it's nothing compared to my income."

Forget who said that I don't look like a flesh and blood person.At that time, I doubted myself for a while, and then I figured it out quickly. It is not only good people who do good things, and it is not only bad people who have a low moral bottom line. I do things that make me feel comfortable, comfortable, and safe, and do not hurt others. ,why not?

Why do I have to be able to cry and laugh, and to be considerate of all people and things that have nothing to do with me?

That's tiring.

After a long silence, Shen Nanyu said: "Take care of a strange child who doesn't fit in sociably, squat down and talk to him gently, take him to play in his study, tell him about the outside world that he has never seen... For you Is it normal too?"

He held my hand and forced me to look up at him, "If these are common, then send him his favorite books every year, give him a valuable violin on his birthday, and attach a handwritten card by himself. Is it normal?"

Violin... I remembered that one year I bought a musician's private collection at a charity auction. I thought that since it was for charity, I might as well give it to those in need. Not long ago I heard from my assistant that a child I sponsored won a prize in a violin competition, so I sent the violin back to him as a gift.

Unexpectedly, it happened to be Shen Nanyu's birthday.

As for handwritten cards, that's just my own habit.

The strange thing is that I probably can't remember the child who only met a few times, but now looking at Shen Nanyu, I suddenly remembered clearly the appearance of that child, and his clear and pure eyes, who left that day When we entered the manor, he looked at me timidly and asked, "Brother, will we meet again?"

What did I answer then?

I remembered.

I said: "I will. When you grow up, I will take you to ride the Ferris wheel."

——In my study that day, seven-year-old Shen Nanyu saw a photo of the London Eye and asked me what it was.

"It's a Ferris wheel that can take people to the sky."

"It looks taller than the tallest building, and I'm scared."

"From the ground, it looks very high, but when you stand on it, maybe it won't be so scary."

……

Then I forgot the promise I made.

Later, the 19-year-old Shen Nanyu took the 27-year-old me to ride the Ferris wheel.

When I came back to my senses, I slowly withdrew my hand from Shen Nanyu's, smiled lightly and asked, "What are you talking about?"

"You already know...don't you?" He looked at me deeply and said, "At first I just wanted to see you again, so I worked hard to get into high school in city A, and only when I came did I find out that you have already I have already gone abroad. So I worked hard to get into University A, participated in various credit-adding activities, won various awards, and worked part-time to earn living expenses. If you don’t return to China, I should have exchanged to your city for my junior year. After graduating two years later, I stayed with you to work. But when you came back suddenly, I thought, I can finally not work so hard. But what I didn't expect was that your fiancé would also come back with you. "

It was the first time for Shen Nanyu to speak such a long word to me, his voice was full of bitterness, and his eyes were slightly red in the evening sun, "The person who hooked your shoulders to you turned out to be your future fiancé... No wonder I hated him from the first moment I saw him."

So does he still remember Fu Zhiheng...

"If he cherishes you well and loves you with all his heart, I will definitely not disturb your happiness." He chuckled lightly at himself and said, "But he didn't. Why should he own you?"

I can't fully understand Shen Nanyu's mood at the moment. I have never experienced everything he has experienced.But I was still unavoidably touched by his emotions, and there was a faint sourness somewhere in my heart.

"Have you ever thought that the person you are chasing is actually not me..." I looked up at him and said slowly, "but just a gentle, kind and perfect dummy you imagined? "

Shen Nanyu was slightly taken aback, then a gentle and bitter smile appeared on his face, "Maybe, but it doesn't matter anymore."

"Because when I saw you again, all my longing, yearning, chasing, and missing became hopeless love."

"I used to want to see you because I wanted to see you, but now I want to see you just because I like you."

"Even if you are different from the person I remember, I still like you."

"like me……"

I've heard that phrase so many times these days that it gives me the illusion that I can perceive it.

But in fact, I still can't distinguish between throbbing, liking, love, dependence and desire. I'm not sure what I am to Shen Nanyu and what I am to Fu Zhiheng.

"Brother..." Shen Nanyu's voice brought me back to reality.He hugged me lightly and asked, "Can you stop being with Fu Zhiheng?"