have hidden illness

Chapter 53 He Can't Wait For One Day

Gao Xunluo ran away.

Kuang Huaiye didn't want to say that.

But after he went to sleep at his own house that day, he couldn't be reached.

In the first day or two, Kuang Huaiye thought that after the college entrance examination, Gao Xun had to be busy with the students in his class filling in volunteers, so he didn't reply to his messages.But in the past half a week, every content he posted seemed to have disappeared, and there was no movement from Gao Xun's side, so he naturally became anxious.After coaxing Irene to take a nap one afternoon, he called Gao Xun directly.

But was told that the user is not in the service area.

This is not normal.

He went to check the security system installed in the apartment. Gao Xun didn't stay overnight that night. He left in the middle of the night. Could it be that something happened on the way?

The oncoming car was equipped with specially modified bifocal lenses and xenon lamps. Gao Xun was conditioned by the light to block it with his hand, and then the car rammed into him without hesitation...

Kuang Huaiye's black vest was stained with sweat in the room with a constant temperature of 23 degrees.

No, don't scare yourself, first go to the class group to ask, if something really happens to Gao Xun, they will definitely know.

【Teacher Gao is going to support teaching! ! 】

[Volunteer confirmation is all done by Director Huang in the class. I heard from him that Mr. Gao applied for it during the Chinese New Year. 】

【Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow!I didn't say anything about leaving, and I didn't even go to see him off. Other teachers might have someone to see him off! 】

[I probably didn't say it because I was afraid of affecting our college entrance examination, alas. 】

【Supporting education seems to take two years to go...】

Kuang Huaiye looked at the students' new speeches that kept popping up one by one, and his body, which was still on fire just now, seemed to be poured from head to toe by a bucket of ice water.

[I heard that Mr. Gao has already applied for it during the Chinese New Year. 】

In other words, Gao Xun had half a year to tell himself about this matter, but in the end Gao Xun still chose to be a person who strictly kept secrets, did not reveal a word to him, and let him, a fool, live in what he thought was a smooth relationship among.

Yes, they have never explicitly said that they are in a relationship, but the time he went back a few months ago, the time Gao Xun agreed to him to spend the night in his bed, he thought this was the official start between them .

He thought Gao Xun liked him and accepted him.

He didn't think it was his self-righteous delusion, because when he was buried in Gao Xun's body, no one could see the strong emotion in Gao Xun's eyes closer and more clearly than him, and no one could see it deeper and more truly than him. Feel the soft lingering in Gao Xun's body.

Is it all just sex?Did that night mean nothing to Gao Xun?

So after a long circle, does Gao Xun still think that he is not worthy to know him?

Then why bother to answer his messages, answer his phone calls, even go to his house, sleep on his bed, give him birthday presents...even say the words "I miss you" that made him jump for joy "?Is it because he is afraid that if he interrupts these things, he will find out that something is wrong?

Kuang Huaiye had 1 questions in his mind to ask Gao Xun.

But no matter how many times he dialed, he could only hear the mechanical sorry that the other party was not in the service area again and again.

Gao Xun, do you really have a heart?

Three months after they broke up, Kuang Huaiye finally came back full of anger.

He didn't care about resting for even one day, as soon as Cyrus's alarm was lifted to pick up Irene, he asked him to borrow a car to rush to the airport as quickly as possible and bought the latest flight back home.

No one in the class knew where Gao Xun was teaching, so Kuang Huaiye went to find Luo Xuege.

"Where did Gao Xun go?"

This boy seemed to have not slept for a few days, his face was ugly like a ghost, and the tone of the question was even more... Wait a minute, Luo Xuege looked at him in shock: "You, don't you know how to speak?"

Kuang Huaiye directly ignored her question, and repeated impatiently: "I want to know where the hell Gao Xun went."

"...Why are you looking for Xiao Xun? He went to support education." Luo Xuege remembered that Kuang Huaiye came to ask her Gao Xun's address on a weekend long ago. But why did he still look for Gao Xun now? If he wanted to go back to school, he could go directly to the director. She couldn't help being a little wary.

"Ask him for the bill."

Want a bill? ?

How could Xiao Xun owe students money?

wrong.

Not owed money.

Luo Xuege looked at the tall boy in front of him, with an unconcealable sadness in his irritable tone and expression, as if he understood.

Although Kuang Huaiye really wanted to teleport to Gao Xun immediately, but unfortunately Luo Xuege said that the supporting teachers were arranged by the city to train in the place for half a month before being assigned. She only knew that Gao Xun should have gone to X province. Xun told her when he got on the train, and Gao Xun never contacted her again. She called and sent messages, but Gao Xun didn't reply.

Province X is located in a remote location, and there are countless villages and towns below that lack teacher resources. It is not a matter of a day or two to find Gao Xun. Kuang Huaiye had to go home first. He came back in a hurry, and his luggage was still with Cyrus.

His pillow is gone.

When Kuang Huaiye went to get clothes from the closet, he looked at it for a few seconds before he realized why he felt something was wrong on the bed as soon as he came in.Also missing was the half pack of cigarettes on his bedside table.He had the impression that it was left there, but now it's gone too.

Gao Xun took them away.

Kuang Huaiye slammed the cabinet door.

What is this? I clearly don't want to part with Lao Tzu, and I want to leave without saying a word.

Just as he put on a pair of high-top outdoor boots at the entrance, Kuang Huaiye remembered his birthday present, and Gao Xun said he put it here.

To Gao Xun, a birthday gift is more like a breakup gift?

Kuang Huaiye hesitated for a while, but finally couldn't overcome the desire to see what Gao Xun painted of himself, so he kicked off his half-worn boots.

He found the gift wrapped in a painting tube on the table in the study.

The first thing he paid attention to when it unfolded was not the painting itself but the signature at the bottom. Very well, there is no that damn word H.

However, he did not ask for Xunzi.

None signed.

The painting is painted, although only the eyes are painted.It turned out that in Gao Xun's eyes, his eyes were such a special gray-green.He was lying naked on Gao Xun's bed with his arms under his head.

Kuang Huaiye recognized that this was the night they spent every minute together.

There is also a very thick book with curled corners on the side of the painting tube.

Kuang Huaiye opened it casually.

XXXX year X month X day

Dad left before dinner today, he said he wanted to have dinner with us, but then he and Mom got into an argument and he left.

They may have quarreled because of me, because my mother warned me not to talk to my father, and I didn't hold back...

XXXX year X month X day

Mom and Dad are divorced.

Dad took everything away, I begged Dad not to leave, I will get full marks in the exam in the future, and I will not watch cartoons, but he still left.My mother took me to the police station, and I will not be called Shen Xun in the future.

My mother forbade me to go to art class again.

But I really like drawing.

XXXX year X month X day

Today, my mother found out that I had been secretly painting my father. She was very angry and tore up all the paintings.

Mom made me kneel down.Mom cried, and she said that Dad is a pervert who likes men, and he and Teacher Chu are on good terms.

I don't quite understand her words.

My mother asked me to write a letter of guarantee, promising that I would never paint again, that I would not become gay, that I would not make my mother angry, that I would not make my mother sad, and that I would be a child that satisfied my mother.

I'm scared.

XXXX year X month X day

Mom, I'm sorry, I didn't get all the perfect marks.

XXXX year X month X day

Mom I did something wrong.

I really don't draw anymore.I will not make my mother sad anymore, I will be a Gao Xun who will satisfy my mother.

XXXX year X month X day

mom i did wrong

………………

2019. 6, 11

Kuang Huaiye, many things you have asked but I have not answered are all here.

If you have already read it, you must have a general understanding of why H appears.

Because originally my birth was a mistake.

My dad hid his sexuality, lied to my mom, and gave birth to me.

I should not have been born.I let my mother live in a passivity she couldn't stand.

And I promise that the words written in the book will eventually become empty words, and none of them will be realized.

Whether it's not drawing anymore, or becoming gay.

I keep disappointing her, in order to make her less disappointed, or just to make myself safer, the second half of this thing is basically not a diary, just homework.Although homework, they are also part of who I am.

Do you remember that I cried when we talked on the phone during Chinese New Year?

She wants me to marry a blind date girl.

For the first time in my life, I said no to her. I can't let an irrelevant girl become another person who falls into the abyss.I submitted an application for teaching support after I left home.

May, the day I went to pick up the hydrangea you sent, my mother saw my painting of you in my house, she tore it all up, and now I repainted this one later.She said that I was drawing some shameful things, and asked me who the boy I drew was.

I said it was someone I liked.

She fainted from my anger.

I actually went to her place before I came to your house today, but I think she won't want to see me again in a short time, so I didn't go up.

There are too many rainy days in this city.

I once thought about leaving here when I was filling out the university application, and I tried to contact foreign schools when I was taking the postgraduate entrance examination. In the end, I gave up because of my mother’s opposition and because I was not brave enough.

But this time, I knew I really had to go, I had to go to a place where it didn't rain so much.

The stipulated time for supporting education is two years, I guess it is enough time for the sun to dry out the dampness all over the body.

I hesitated for a long time about whether to put this thing here.

I confess to you, the night you came back, I made up my mind, and that was the last time.It really should be the last time if I really want to be good for you.

You see, I am a selfish and hypocritical adult, I want to be good for you, but I leave such things to disturb you.

Ah Ye, I'm sorry.

I think, at least I have to let you know that this is actually what I look like when you have never seen me before.

I leave you with all the truth about me.

Maybe you'd like to keep it for me until I get back.If you don't want to, then that's okay, you can do whatever you want with it.

...It seems that I still have a lot to say to you, but time is a bit too late, I should go.

Happy 19th birthday to you in advance.

高珣

Kuang Huaiye put the diary in his backpack.

Gao Xun should apologize, but not because of his nonsense selfishness, but why did he think that if he ran away without saying a word, he could stay put and wait obediently for two years?

He can't wait a day.

He was going to meet the idiot now.

Then, no matter what the cost, he must be trapped by her side, and he will not be allowed to leave, never again.