have hidden illness

Chapter 5 Teacher Gao, 6 years old

Gao Xun did what he said, and played really casually.

He wasn't active in running, and he didn't steal at all. He just idly moved around the outer circle. Kuang Huaigu and his classmates were closely watched by Guan Yao and the others. , Let’s go to Fanghuai Valley together.

Gao Xun ran for two or three steps, and after making sure that Kuang Huaigu could see him, he took a gap and made a motion to ask for the ball.

Kuang Huaigu was stared at and didn't have a good chance to make a move, so he had to pass the ball to Gao Xun in a hurry. He planned to use Gao Xun as a cover to get the ball back and then rush in...

As a result, after Gao Xun got the ball, he jumped on the spot and shot directly.

three-pointer.

While Guan Yao was shocked here, he looked at Kuang Huaigu, just like himself, full of disbelief.

In the next 10 minutes, Gao Xun took five shots and made three three-pointers with an amazing hit rate.With such hot hands, who has the leisure to care that he doesn't run or steal.

At the last moment, both sides had the same score, and the ball came to Gao Xun again. Gao Xun looked at the two guards in front of him, and made a fake move, passing the ball to Kuang Huaigu, Kuang Huaigu After dribbling the ball to the basket, he handed the ball to the unguarded third student on their side. That student hurriedly dribbled the ball for a layup while there was no one in front of him, and the ball scored.

They ended up winning by two points.

Gao Xun didn't even have time to let out a breath before he was hugged by Kuang Huaigu who rushed over.

"We won!! Xiao Xun is amazing!!"

Gao Xun immediately felt the heat from Kuang Huaigu's exercise crawling over his body through his clothes, his ears were forced to feel hot, and he subconsciously pushed his shoulder.

Guan Yao and the others slammed and kicked the innocent basketball that fell on the ground. It was almost time for lunch break, and then they didn't bother to look at Gao Xun again and went back to the classroom.

"Gao Xun, you are very accurate in shooting three-pointers. Have you practiced before?" Kuang Huaigu and his classmate who played together just now asked.

Even though he had watched Huaigu bring Gao Xun to play a few times before the game, Gao Xun had a natural aura that made people not know how to talk to him. Seriously, this was the first This is the first time I talked to Gao Xun.

"Well, I played around with it for a while."

Kuang Huaigu pulled their respective clothes from the basket and threw them to the other two, and after he finished wearing them, he went to make trouble for Gao Xun who was still wearing them.

"Second Middle School Mitsui Shou, do you want to play basketball with the coach? Hey, it would be great if you would come over and play with everyone more often." There will be many classmates who are willing to take him to play together. If there are more friends, there will be no bullying. Kuang Huaigu feels that Gao Xun is simply wasting resources.

Gao Xun uncomfortably waved away Kuang Huaigu's hands that were rubbing on his head.

That night Gao Xun had a brief erotic dream.

It wasn't the first sexual dream he'd had since he hit puberty.

But usually in dreams like this, the scenes are mostly vague, and there is no plot or another protagonist. Sometimes he even wakes up the next morning and feels the stickiness in his underwear, and then he will feel the pain. Realized that last night might have been a wet dream.

But this night, the heat from Kuang Huaigu, who had just finished playing, crawled over his body and attacked him again in his dream.

Gao Xun had to wake up from the dream.

He was panting quickly, his lower body was swollen and stiff, and after a moment of hesitation, his left hand quite consciously held the place that was in good condition at the moment.He didn't dare to close his eyes and let his imagination run amok in the dark, so he could only open his eyes and press his free right arm on his sweaty forehead, soothing himself quickly mechanically.

At the moment of orgasm, Gao Xun felt like he was suffering from sudden hysteria, and he heard someone close to his ear, calling him Xiaoxun in an ambiguous voice.

Gao Xun pulled out a stack of tissues placed on the bedside table, carefully wiped off the white liquid splashed on his lower abdomen, then got up, put on some clothes, opened the window to diffuse the smell, folded the used tissues and put them in the Put it in a plastic bag and put it in a school bag. This thing cannot be thrown in the trash can at home.

Finally, Gao Xun took out a pack of cigarettes from the interlayer of his schoolbag.

He doesn't smoke, he just takes out one to play with in his mouth when he is upset, or peels off the wrapping paper of his coat to expose the shredded tobacco inside, and sniffs carefully.

His mother has been taking precautions for a long time, preventing him from continuing to paint, preventing him from being too intimate with the same sex, not allowing him to stay in school after school, not allowing him to go out to play during holidays, and setting up various strict family laws and regulations. In the end, she still couldn't prevent what she feared the most—Shen Xun's "homosexuality" was passed on to Gao Xun exactly.

In fact, under the education of "homosexuality is a disease" taught by his mother many times, Gao Xun checked it very early, and let's not talk about what is not inherited, but sexuality is irreversible.And now, when he masturbates, what he can think of is a person of the same sex, so it is estimated that he is not very interested in girls.

Thinking of this, I can't help but feel that his mother's painstaking efforts are in vain in the end.

Gao Xun stepped on the window sill with his bare feet, and tightened his clothes.

Gay.

Gao Xun wrote these three characters in the air stroke by stroke, and he was no stranger to these three characters.

Neither unfamiliar nor fearful.As if thinking about someone else's business, he quickly pulled his mind away and floated aside to watch coldly.

It doesn't matter.

Even if he has a physical impulse towards Kuang Huaigu or other people of the same sex, it doesn't matter.

Anyway, this matter will only exist in his own heart from the beginning to the end, and there will be no second insider.

But now that he is aware of his sexuality, he will never hide it by having a girlfriend or even marriage in the future, so that he can live a dignified life under the sun.

No innocent girl would fall victim to his sexuality.

It's just homosexuality, and it's not about hurting anyone with a knife.

As for his mother, as long as she doesn't find out, then she should be safe and sound.

Gao Xun had lunch with Kuang Huaigu in the art classroom as usual, and did not show any abnormalities.

He didn't intend to make any confession to Kuang Huaigu or anything like that.

He may have some ignorant affection for this person, but he can't judge whether it is caused by hormones, or it is really accumulated in the process of getting along day after day, and he has no way of measuring the weight of this affection. , how long can it last.

For things that Gao Xun is not sure about, he always chooses to wait and see what happens, and is unwilling to act rashly.

Of course, reason is rational, no matter how calm and calm Gao Xun is after all, he is only sixteen or seventeen years old, and he will inevitably feel embarrassed when facing someone he knows he has a crush on.Especially after getting to know him for a long time, Kuang Huaigu has indeed become more and more casual towards him, the movements of hooking shoulders and backs, patting and cuddling that often appear between boys also gradually appear between them.

Every time Gao Xun avoided Kuang Huaigu, he would look particularly aggrieved and say, "Oh, our little Xun despises me."

Gao Xun couldn't explain to him, so he could only smile and push away Kuang Huaigu's face which was very close to him.

At the same time, Gao Xun's paintings also increased.

He secretly hides it behind his mother's back, and checks whether he puts it in his schoolbag every day before going to school. The sketch book is no longer just a still life, but mixed with various sketches of another person.

The first few pictures were all simple outlines, anyone can say it, and gradually specific eyebrows, nose bridge, smile, side profile appeared...

If any student in the school sees it, he can easily recognize who is pictured in the booklet.

Gao Xun knew that his secret was getting heavier day by day, and he had to be vigilant all the time to ensure its safety and his own safety.

So the first thing he did when he returned to the classroom after the last physical education class on Friday afternoon was to open his schoolbag and check. When he found that the sketch book was not in it, he felt his pulse that was beating fast after exercising changed Slow and blunt.

Gao Xun was [-]% sure that he didn't leave it at home, or anywhere else. There was only one possibility for it to disappear, and that was to be taken away.

Who took it?

Just after the school bell rang for the second time, the students in the class packed their schoolbags in twos and threes and were about to leave. Everyone's face was full of exhaustion from being devastated for a week and anticipation for the upcoming weekend.

There is no Guan Yao here.

Guan Yao is not in the classroom.

Where is Guan Yao?

In the bulletin board window here.

Together in the bulletin board window here is Gao Xun's sketch book that is currently on display.

It was not the first time in his life, Gao Xun felt his blood coagulate quickly, his body was thrown in this place by the spirit, in this real noise, the intertwined gray waves of sound covered the His eyes, buzzing, reminded him that he wasn't in some terrible vision from which he couldn't wake up.

It's all real, happening, and still going on.

He swallowed quietly, tasted the long-lost taste of rust in his mouth, where was the bleeding.

But he didn't flee in a panic.

Instead, he chose the very tall one, pushed aside the crowd gathered in front of him without changing his face, walked to the window, and walked around Guan Yao who was looking at him with his arms folded.

"Painter Gao is here! Your character sketches are very good. You have both spirit and form. You are worse than Kuang Huaigu himself."

Gao Xun ignored him and reached out to get the booklet.

Guan Yao grabbed his wrist.

"Don't worry, I'm holding a painting exhibition for you, you have to wait until... Hey Kuang Huaigu! I've been waiting for you for a long time, come and see how many pictures of you Gao Xun has drawn!"

Maybe Guan Yao saw Kuang Huaigu approaching?

Gao Xun turned his back to the crowd, didn't know, and didn't bother to know: "Get out of the way."

"Kuang Huaigu, our Gao Xun really has a deep affection for you! The two of you who are in love with each other, you stand up for me, and I draw for you. When do you plan to get married..."

Gao Xun's fist landed on Guan Yao's face impartially, successfully swallowing all the nonsense he hadn't finished speaking back into his stomach.

Guan Yao obviously didn't expect that Gao Xun would fight with him. For a long time, they destroyed Gao Xun's textbooks, tore up Gao Xun's homework, moved Gao Xun's desk, and threw Gao Xun's keys. He was always indifferent.

It was the unsullied and ignorant appearance that made Guan Yao feel the most unsightly.

It turned out that he really poked his lung tube today.

Guan Yao licked the corner of his mouth, smiled and slapped Gao Xun's glasses away with his palm.

"Dead gay."

Gao Xun picked up the glasses, shook them off and put them back on, then raised his hand amidst the exclamation of the crowd and smashed a closed window glass next to him, ignoring his blood-drenched hands, he picked up a piece of broken glass and put it on the glass. In front of Guan Yao.

"Go away. Don't make me say it again."

Gao Xun's tone was normal and his expression was calm, but Guan Yao didn't dare to talk to him and backed away. Gao Xun looked like the calmest lunatic, the glass in his hand was only a few millimeters away from his neck, He just wanted to have fun, at best it was a bad joke, to get revenge on Gao Xun for beating him on the basketball court last time, he didn't intend to get injured or die because of this kind of thing!

Gao Xun retrieved his sketchbook that had been pasted on the bulletin board and suffered a lot.

The crowd that was still surrounding him quickly made way for him.

Whether Kuang Huaigu was still there, Gao Xun didn't know, because from the beginning to the end, he didn't hear a single word from him.

At noon the next day, Gao Xun's lunch time in the art classroom lasted from 51:[-] to [-]:[-]. He looked at the empty desk in front of him and thought, Kuang Huaigu probably won't come again.

I don’t know how many times he has painted, the hydrangea in full bloom in front of the window of the art classroom is also thanked.

Guan Yao and other students in the class looked like they had seen a ghost when they saw him.

It is estimated that I will not continue to come here to find boredom and unhappiness.

There are gains and losses, Gao Xun thought, it's not all bad.

Now that his hand is hurt, he can't ride his bicycle, and after school he walks slowly to the station by himself.As a result, people who didn't show up in the art classroom at noon actually showed up at the bus stop.

"Gao Xun."

It's raining.

"Ah."

"Are you really gay?"

The tone he asked him about this matter contained three points of doubt and seven points of embarrassment.

"Well, I'm really gay."

Gao Xun answered very frankly.

Neither of them had an umbrella, and after a flash of panic flashed on Kuang Huaigu's face, he hesitated to speak, so Gao Xun had to wait patiently for a while.

"I'm not... I like women."

"Oh." Gao Xun nodded to show he understood.

After Kuang Huaigu turned around and left, the rain became heavier, and the bus that Gao Xun was going to take was delayed.His lenses were blurred by the rain, and the bandages wrapped around his hands were also wet, so he simply took off his glasses, untied the bandages and stuffed them into his pockets, and rummaged through his schoolbag, the only thing that could protect him from the rain All I had was the sketchbook.

Gao Xun held it above his head.

The wound was bleeding again, and the rain fell on the ground, like an accident scene.

This is a bit weird and suspicious, no one in the station is willing to move a step to his side even if everyone is crowded to squeeze the poor space under their feet.

There was only a kid who was dressed as a junior in elementary school, and he didn't have an umbrella. He stood beside him with his head down, like a little drowned rat.

Like him, he was a slightly older drowned chicken.

Gao Xun moved the picture album that was originally held above his head to the head of this little soaked chicken.

"No umbrella?"

Gao Xun didn't know why he asked such an obvious question, and he was not a nosy person.

It may be that the little drowned chicken has a very sad atmosphere. Gao Xun doesn't know what happened to him, but he can clearly feel his sadness.

The kid didn't say yes or no, just stared blankly at his shoes that were soaked in the rain, and then raised his head to look at him in a daze.

Without glasses, Gao Xun could only see a rough outline of him, a small, sad outline.

Gao Xun's car finally arrived, and without thinking too much, he stuffed the sketchbook in his limp hand.

"I'll borrow you to keep out the rain."

His first love, which became a well-known joke before it happened, ended on this rainy day.

If this meaningless sketchbook can be used as a temporary shelter from the rain for a sad child, it will be its last and best destination.